It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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