i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
