Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
