The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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