He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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