so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
