my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize
