So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
