just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
