your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drake has all the answers
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
