I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
