When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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