We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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