the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
