I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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