I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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