im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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