Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
