he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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