what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
