just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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