Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
