Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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