Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
