she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
