i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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