Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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