i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
