Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're like the curious george of whores
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
