In the future we'll all be gay
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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