For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
