He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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