i already hear my dad disowning me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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