If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
