dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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