oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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