so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
