why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
