It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
