seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
