Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
