ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
