It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
