do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
