There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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