weddingsv make me drug and hornr
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
