12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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