This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
