I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
