Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
