Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
