apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
