please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
