I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
