I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
