its not stalking. its research.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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