yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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