I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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